Contemplating my major

I forgot to mention in my last post that after I left Fink's class, I felt worried. I believe I went through this last year, but I think the feeling is stronger this time around.

Fink is a newspaper man. A real go-getter. A man who rules in absolutes. He wants us to learn his ways and how to go about managing a newspaper. This is all well and good, but I do not give a damn about newspapers. I have no passion for it like he does. If put in his position, I would probably fail any paper I'm in charge of. I'm sure with enough experience under my belt, I could be a good manager. But this is not what I wish for my life.

I am not a hard-ass news reporter. I believe that there is always more than one way to look at something, and that is just not his style, so he says. I am not about hard news facts, retail trading zone and advertising dollars. I love reading; stories, characters, plots, and symbolism; writing my thoughts; writing about the world, moral issues, spiritual issues; I love photography and art; I love being creative.

I can't stand the structured business of the inverted pyramid structure, the constraints of journalistic writing. I dislike interviewing people I don't know or don't care for. I told my English professor that I don't like journalism and she asked me why I'm majoring in it.

Good question. It's a way to get paid for writing. I do like writing, but I want to be freer than those journalists at the AJC. With what I am learning, I could very well write for a magazine. I could become an editor at a paper, a magazine, or better -- a publication house. My major is like an umbrella. It covers a lot of careers that I could pick from. That is why I am a publication management major. I have the choice to be a writer or a top editor if I so choose.

I have waited so long to do what I love in college. I've taken many pointless classes like anthropology or public speaking. I'm finally taking my major's classes. But in order to be happy and get what I NEED for my future career, I'm taking English courses. You may be thinking, "English? You're crazy!" Yes, it is a lot of reading and critical thinking, but I enjoy it. I used to loathe going to English in high school, where we'd have to sit in a circle and speak 3 times to get a passing grade. But over the years I have grown fond of reading stories, meeting new characters, and learning what authors mean through their work. I also figure that the more I read, the better writer I will become.

I think I just needed to help myself understand why I am where I am. I think I needed to express my frustration with my journalism education and reestablish who I am. I am not like the other J-school kids who work at the school newspaper every day and are ready with pen and paper at every event. Sometimes I wish I was, but that's not me.