Once Upon a Time

Have you ever loved or admired something so much, but there was nothing you could do about it? No way to show your appreciation and no way to make it yours? This happens to me all the time. I never knew what it was that affected me so deeply after movies I watched that I loved. I never understood why I felt down after seeing something so great, until now.

One specific example I can remember is the night I came out of The Prince of Egypt. The movie was phenomenal. Uplifting. I was so happy I got to see it, but I had this overwhelming sense of complacency and emptiness.

Now that I'm older, I can place these feelings and get why I feel the way I do. I've always, always loved movies, well stories, in general. It is hard for people like me because when we fall in love with a story or character, there's nothing we can do about it. Sure, we can put up display pictures of our beloved prince or write fan fiction. We can let everyone know what we love by showing others... but we cannot have "it" for our own.

I will never be best friends with Anne of Green Gables. I won't ever be able to stare at Edward Cullen's perfect face. I'll never meet Satine or Christian, nor dance the night away at the Moulin Rouge. I'll never tell Thomas J. that I love him and that he shouldn't kick the bees' nest. I can never go to a fancy ball in a beautiful dress to dance with the prince or fly to Neverland with my beloved Peter Pan.

Most people my age grew up living through these stories. Halloween was the time to show everyone who you really wanted to be. Forget being a businessman or a lawyer. Little boys dressed up as Ninja Turtles, Robin Hood, or Luke Skywalker. Girls weren't dressed as nurses or journalists. They were dressed up as Princess Jasmine, Dorothy, and Tinker Bell.

These stories are what enriched our little lives, bringing magic and true love where there was a lack of it. These characters made us believe that anything could happen if we wanted it enough.

I suppose that I feel emptiness when I love a film, book, or (anything fantastical) because I cannot have it. I cannot be a part of it. I did not help create these beautiful characters. I will never know them and I will never be them.

Maybe Disney and many novelists did us a disservice by creating such wonderful worlds. Maybe they gave us false hopes. I mean, come on, Prince Charming? Hello!

Honestly, I'd rather feel sad about the stories not being real than having no story at all. Everything that I've loved and will love, makes my life worth living. I live for twisty plots and deep characters and mysteriously beautiful settings.

It might be because life is just so ordinary, but I think maybe, life can inspire such wonderful stories too. I hope one day that I find myself a beautiful heroine in a crazy and memorable, twisty plot.

Oh I wait for the day.